So my friends Jen and Amy sent me these. Way too funny not to share. And why are they funny? That's right, because it's true.

Toddler's Creed part 1

1. If I want it, it's mine.
2. If I give it to you and
   change my mind later, it's mine.
3. If I can take it away from you,
   it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago,
   it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it will never belong
   to anybody else, no matter what.
6. If we are building something together,
   all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine,
   it's mine.

Interestingly enough, shortly after I received this first one, Bear learned how to say, "MINE!"


The Toddler’s Creed part 2

1. If it is on, I must turn it off.
2. If it is off, I must turn it on.
3. If it is folded, I must unfold it.
4. If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
5. If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
6. If it is high, it must be reached.
7. If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
8. If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
9. If it has leaves, they must be picked.
10. If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
11. If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
12. If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
13. If it is closed, it must be opened.
14. If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
15. If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
16. If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.
17. If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
18. If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
19. If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
20. If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
21. If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
22. If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
23. If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
24. If it is paper, it must be torn.
25. If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
26. If the volume is low, it must go high.
27. If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
28. If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
29. If it is a toothbrush, it must not be inserted into my mouth.
30. If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
31. If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
32. If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
33. If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
34. If it is not food, it must be tasted.
35. If it is food, it must not be tasted.
36. If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
37. If it is a carseat, it must be protested with an arched back.
38. If it is Mommy (or Daddy), it must be hugged.

I am toddler!

I would like to add the following:

1. If it has wheels, it must be flipped over and studied intensely
   
2. If it has seat belts, I must lock them myself.
3. If it is a cat, I must lay on, pull parts of it, poke its eyes, taunt it, and otherwise make it miserable.
4. If it is a diaper, it must be protested with an arched back and earth-shattering screams.
5. If it is food, it belongs down my shirt.
6. If it is food and it isn't down my shirt, it belongs on the floor or in my seat for later snacking.
7. If it is a sister, it must never sleep when I am awake.
8. If it is a rock garden, each rock must be individually inspected for quality purposes, then moved to a holding location.
9. If it is 3 AM, I must be awake, as should everyone else in the household.
10. If Mommy/Daddy has a bad day, I must sing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and dance until she/he smiles.